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5 Things a Dating Diva should know
Aside from the dating mantra, ”when you are dating, you are just dating“, there are other must-have knowledge to make dating as painless and as enjoyable as possible.
A blow-off can happen to anyone
Let’s say a man you like asked you out. You agreed and had a good time. He kissed you goodnight and said the famous send-off line, ”I’ll call you“. He never did. You wisely concluded that he is not interested. You pride was wounded: how can he reject you? You take it personally and you end up sulking for the next two weeks.
Relax. A blow off happens to everyone, even to the most desirable women on earth. Also, your date doesn’t owe you an explanation why he never called you again, so do not expect one.
Sex on the first date?
Dating someone you like almost always leads to physical intimacy. It is natural. But sex on the first date? This is a very personal decision to make. All I can do is to give my take on this. Personally, I do not believe in sleeping with someone on the first date, no matter how awesome I find him. Sleeping with someone before getting to know him could have potentially damaging effects to your well-being. Most women who have done this ended up regretting the decision. After the initial thrill and excitement, they end up feeling cheap, used and rejected when their men did not show up again. In most cases, a man who ”got lucky“ on a first date doesn’t come back for a second serving. Even if you don’t do this as a hobby, what is to stop him from thinking that you do it all the time. The damage that it does to your self-respect and self-esteem far outweighs the sense of fun and adventure.
Of course, the issue of diseases is another thing to keep in mind. On the first date, couples don’t talk about tests and STDs. So you run the risk of sleeping with an infected person.
In this day and age, men and women try to convince themselves that sex shouldn’t be such a big deal. No matter what you say, the fact remains that sex changes everything. It can bring you closer, it can force you apart but it is always something.
So if the first date isn’t the best time, when is?
For the lowest impact on your psyche as possible, you just have to make sure that your first time together is as comfortable and secure as you can make it. The timing is definitely up to you not your date. If you ever feel pressured to have sex at any time, that should be a sign that he might not be the right person for you.
Different people have different standards. A friend of mine thinks it is the right time if you have Saturday night plans with him without making plans. Another says once you have shared toothbrush. Whatever standards you use, make sure that the first time leaves you with a positive feeling that you did the right thing at the right time.
And the bill goes to
It is customary that whoever asked for the date pays. However, no one will ever accuse you of being rude if you offer your fair share. On the first and second dates, the man normally shoulders the expense. Some women insist on going Dutch. There is really nothing wrong here, if you are uncomfortable with having your meals and entertainment paid for. But there is also nothing wrong with enjoying a man’s generosity, at least on the first few dates.
Mind your own numbers
How many men have you gone out with? Note: this could be loosely translated to how many men have you slept with.
Men are very curious creatures. Inevitably, they would like to find out the numbers. Bless those who never ask! How do you handle it when they start to ask pesky questions like these?
If you are 16 and you say, ”you are the first“. Great! You just have to wait for the song ”Endless Love“ to be piped in and you have the perfect scene for a first love movie.
But for those of us who have been around for quite some time, the question isn’t easy to answer. Is honesty the best policy here? If you have been with 10 or more, should you say this? Wouldn’t you be classified as a woman with a past? If you’ve only had 1, would that make you a prude, unattractive, inexperienced? Unless you have an idea of his definition and philosophy on promiscuous women, you will never know what the magic number is.
Some women give out only the major loves. Others estimate how many women her man has had and bid lower. Many think a respectable number is 3 to 5 neither too promiscuous nor too prudish.
My take on this: numbers don’t really matter. If you or your man is obsessed with the numbers, it is very unhealthy. A woman’s history all of it is what makes her what she is. Your man like you now, as he found you, and you owe it to all the experiences that shaped you. If it makes you feel uncomfortable to tell the truth about your past, or to come up with some lie, tell him so. Simply saying ”It’s the past. I would rather not discuss it“. If he respects you, he will not persist. If he persists, this shows insecurity and immaturity and you should seriously consider why you are wasting your time on such a jerk.
Remember though, that ”tit for tat“ applies here. If you do not want to discuss your past, don’t ask for his. Fair?
Who is going to call whom when?
When should a man call after the first date? I am assuming that he likes you and would like to see you again. The desired and expected behavior is: he should call right after the first date. It is the initial separation when women get insecure. If your man is sensitive to your feelings and is not playing any ”hard-to-get“ games, he will call you right after. After that initial call, he can take a few days off, if only to seem ”not too available“,
Should you call after a date?
Some women I know do not mind calling the man after a date. It’s the millennium, after all. We are supposed to be in equal footing. This may sound dated and too ”Rules“ like but I still believe a man should call you first. This way, you don’t seem so desperate and pathetic. No matter what people say, the rules of the game have hardly changed. You may have heard some men say that that they like it when women pursue them, but in fact, they don’t always.
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