A great first date
What is a great first date?
A great first date is one that makes you want a second date.
The burden of making the first date a worthwhile experience does not rely solely on the man. The woman plays a part too if she wants to be asked again. I am, of course, working on the assumption, that she likes the man enough to want a second date.
Here are a few tips on how to clinch that second, third, fourth….
What and where matters
What you are going to do and where you are going to do it matters, especially on a first date. The first date is an opportunity for you to determine if he is somebody who can hold your interest. This means you should choose activities that will allow you to talk. Casual dinner, coffee, or after-dinner drinks is always a good idea. Watching a play or movie on a first date is not highly recommended unless you plan to have dinner and drinks afterwards. But if you choose this path, you would have spent a minimum of six hours with him on your first date – which brings me to point no. 2.
Keep it short
What a way to make sure there’s date no. 2 – make the first date short and sweet.
Some dating advisers say the max should be two hours. Personally, I think 3 to 4 hours is acceptable.
Keep it light
Yes, talking is important but keep it light on the first date. Remember, you are just dating. He is not asking you to move in or marry him. So keep your discussions to matters of general interest. Topics like values, hopes, dreams, beliefs, directions, commitment are a bit too heavy for a first date. Let topics unwind naturally – leave something to talk about on your second date.
Just enjoy it
Look at your date as an end in itself. Something might come out of it or it could be the first and the last. Either way, just enjoy it. Don’t have expectations or you will be projecting anxiety. A woman is more attractive when she is enjoying herself.
Be interested
Ask him questions about himself, what he does, what his favorite sport is, what his hobbies are. See which topic he likes to discuss most and focus on it. By being interested in him, you not only see whether you “fit” with each other, but you are also showing that you are not self-centered. Refrain from asking about his past relationships, why they broke off, how many sexual partners he has had, etc.
Find something nice to say and compliment him
Everybody likes compliments, even the most self-effacing ones. Make sure your compliment is sincere and spontaneous. If he is wearing nice clothes, tell him so. If you think his jokes are funny, laugh at them. If you find it painfully difficult to say something nice, you shouldn’t be dating him in the first place.
Don’t disclose too much too soon
It is not a matter of trying to seem mysterious. Don’t let the skeletons out of the closet. A first date is not the time to tell all the gory details. You don’t even know whether you will even see him again.
Mind your manners
Good manners and etiquette are always in style. Women who try to make an impression by “letting their hair down” too much don’t impress anyone. Decent men still prefer women who are refined and feminine. Refrain from using vulgar and sexually suggestive words, talking too loudly, openly gazing at other men, and dropping unflattering remarks about other women. In other words, behave as if your mother is watching you.
Be considerate with his wallet
Some women take it for granted: A date can put a dent on a man’s budget. This doesn’t apply if your man is in the millionaire’s circle and is dying to spend on you.
If a man chooses to ask you out and spends money on you, he thinks you are worth it. . But you shouldn’t abuse his show of generosity. I have heard conversations of men (who earn quite decently, actually) about how much they spend on dates. They are peeved when a woman orders something expensive and picks on her food. They are not amused when she agrees to have a buffet dinner and takes only a small plate of salad. The moral of the story: money issues matter so be considerate of the expenses involved.
In choosing a restaurant, don’t suggest the most expensive place you can think of. The safest way to go about it is to ask for his suggestions. This will give you an idea of how much he is prepared to spend. When ordering, follow the same tact. Don’t order the most expensive item or wine in the menu. Before ordering, ask him, “What are you going to have?” Based on what he selected, order something in the same price range or lower.
Show off your assets…comfortably
When a woman goes out on a first date with a man she really likes, it would not be an exaggeration to say that she must have done at least 3 costume changes before finally deciding on THE outfit. The best bet for “the outfit” is one that makes you feel comfortable, something that you can relax in and yet, makes you feel beautiful. Don’t be tempted to wear a sexy, tight fitting dress only to find yourself not being able to breathe the entire evening. Or a too short skirt only to keep you occupied by pulling it down when you walk. Oftentimes, because we spend a lot of effort on our first date, there might be a tendency to overdress. How many times have you see a woman wearing an elegant, little black dress with matching bags and shoes walking with a guy in T-shirt and faded jeans. The key to avoid this awkward situation is to know where you are going and what you would be doing. It is also all right to ask him what he will be wearing.
Be pleasant and positive all the way
Your date may turn out to be a disappointment. You were probably expecting to have dinner in a nice restaurant and you found yourself being ushered into a burger joint. You were thinking that you will be picked up by a car, then it turns out you have to take the bus. You were expecting a quiet evening, then suddenly his friends show up at the restaurant. Don’t let this minor hitches ruin your day, or your evening. Stay positive. Don’t whine, complain, or make faces. This isn’t only immature but undeniably very unattractive.
Thank you is a must
This is a must – without exception. The only exception I can think of is when your date tried to force himself on you or made an unwanted pass. But assuming you had a nice, pleasurable time together, even if sparks didn’t fly, a thank you is mandatory. A light kiss on one or both cheeks (if your culture, religion or values allow) always seals the night on a positive note.
Don’t forget the dating mantra
If you live your dating days by this rule, you will never be disappointed: when you are dating, you are just dating. It is meant to be fun, noncommittal and best of all, friendly.
| 
