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Secrets of successful flirting
Is there such a thing as successful flirting?
Yes, there is! Although success will not come to you overnight, inevitably it will, if you adopt a healthy attitude about it.
Here are some proven secrets to successful flirting. Read through them and check out what you have been doing correctly. Reinforce the positive flirting mindsets that you already have. Work on the ones that aren’t there yet. The key is to practice, practice, and practice until it becomes so natural not even you would be aware that you are already flirting.
It is ok to make the first move.
Some women will raise their eyebrows upon reading this. To be a flirt has already gained enough negative connotations in the past that a suggestion to initiate flirting is deemed unacceptable. Surprise! It is not as bad as you think. ”Ladies’ Choice“ is Mother Nature’s evolutionary mandate to a woman so she may select the best mate, and thus assure the survival of the species. Flirting to attract the attention of that interesting male is simply fulfilling that mandate.
Still not convinced? You will be pleased to know that research shows that men would not think of you as severely aggressive or forward when you initiate flirting. When you smile enthusiastically to a guy and he crosses over the room to chat you up, he will not even realize you made the first move. When he responds to that smile…he is actually thinking that he initiated the whole thing, when in fact, he is just responding to you.
Smile
In a study of the most successful flirting moves, smiling broadly, naturally, enthusiastically is the most effective. Why do you think Julia Roberts is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood? Because she is easily one of the most, if not the most, admired. If you ask men why they are attracted to Julia, the most common answer is ”she has a great smile’. What is a ”great“ smile?“ In my book, a great smile is a smile that comes off as genuine and sincere.
In the book, Body Language in Relationships (Sheldon Press Book, 92, 95), a sincere smile is described as ” well-rounded, slow to develop, slow to fade, involving the risorius muscle 12. Both sides of the face look alike“. He called this the symmetrical smile. Ok, you are not expected to know how to manipulate the risorius muscle 12. What you simply need to do is to be spontaneous.
On the other hand, an insincere smile is described as ” too long and is abruptly cut off. Becomes lopsided and asymmetrical“.
In short, unless you are Jennifer Aniston, a smirk will not normally win you fans.
Practice your sincere, symmetrical smile. It lights up your face instantly and it makes you more approachable.
Act confident
Flirting is an attitude. Be confident. If you do not feel confident for whatever reason, act confident. Eventually, you will start feeling really confident. Bear in mind that being confident is not the same as being arrogant or conceited, which are absolute turn-offs.
Have fun. Be playful.
Don’t take flirting too seriously. Be playful, spontaneous and light hearted. If the man you are eyeing does not respond positively, simply shrug it off. Don’t let it discourage you. Remember, he is not making a statement about you. He is making a statement about himself. He simply has other preferences.
Make eye contact
The eyes are very effective flirting tools. Make immediate, direct eye contact. Look your prospect gently in the eye. But please, don’t stare. Spend no more than 2 to 4 seconds of direct contact and gently glance away.
Be natural
I have seen a lot of women transform themselves instantaneously when approached by men. Some become overly talkative, others change their accent, some modulate their voices, others force themselves to laugh. Some try not to appear interested, while others appear overly interested,
You may have been guilty of ”instant transformation“ in the past and was unaware of it, but those people around you can tell. Some men can actually tell whether you are just putting an act. The key is to be your natural self – but with a bit more charm.
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