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How to find a Good Man
Where have all the good men gone? Tired cliché but couldn’t be truer, especially at this time and age. While there are now even more avenues for meeting men, meeting quality men has not been easier. I personally know of a lot of desirable young women frustrated at the scarcity of ”good pickings“. If you feel left out, don’t! A lot of women go weeks or months without meeting anyone who seems suitable for a first date, let alone a long-term relationship. This is perfectly understandable. Once out of school, most of us are no longer surrounded by a pool of attractive young men who share our background, interests, friends and history.
Although this is not a comforting thought, it should not stop you from seeking your Good Man. Here’s some advice on how to find them:
Don’t go looking, but make sure you can be found
Personally, I don’t think looking works. Men are not lost keys, they can’t be found. They aren’t lost and they’re not hiding. And when you are looking, men can feel it. You seem to have this sign on your forehead that spells ”desperate“. Instead of looking, focus on attracting the kind of man you want and deserve into your life. The succeeding tips will come in handy.
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Set your sights only on ”desirable gets“
Look at the gettability/desirability matrix. ”Desirable Gets“ are those men you can have access to, and who would most likely reciprocate your liking. These are the men with whom you most likely share some history, values, lifestyle, friends, hobbies, etc. But keep in mind that some gettables are not desirable. They come in the form of men who, in your initial judgment, is absolutely not your type, has nothing in common with you but is always at your beck and call. These are the types of men that most women end up with when they compromise their standards for fear that no one else will come along. The standard excuse is, ”He’s not exactly what I wanted but he was always there for me“. Not a totally bad choice but you might want to postpone your decision for someone who is more your type. Of course, you don’t even want to bother with the ungettable un-gets. These are the men that you don’t really find suitable for you and you don’t ordinarily have access to. Examples are dirty-minded executives who are on prey for young blood. Or aged bachelors who have delusions that they should only go out with models and movie-star materials.
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On the other hand, there are men who are very highly desirable – but so unattainable. He is your dream man: good-looking, sexy, smart, popular, has tons of money, great sense of humor, etc. There’s only one problem: you can never get him to love you or take you seriously, or even take notice of you. These are the desirable un-gets. You do not want to waste your life chasing an impossible dream. Focus only on men that you find desirable and who will also find you equally desirable.
Go for your passion
What are your personal interests? Examine yourself and find out what it is that you really like and pursue them. Do you want to learn a new language? Enroll in a class. Do you enjoy dancing? Go to a dance class. Do you like sports? Take up a new one. Learn to play tennis, roller blade, play golf, dive, etc. Do you like the club scene? Dress up and go clubbing.
Tell yourself, ”I am going to have fun. And I am doing this for me“. When you are having a good time, you look good and feel your best. And if you really enjoy what you are doing, you won’t feel pressured to meet someone, which means you feel more relaxed to make friends, without looking like you are trying too hard.
For the same reason, do not take up an activity that you don’t like, simply to meet someone. Don’t take up scuba diving if you hate the sea. Don’t take up yoga if you don’t even want to bend to pick up a key. If you do this, you will just end up disappointed because you did not meet like-minded people. The beauty of being in an activity that you are really interested in is that, you are exposed to a group of people who share at least an interest with you. And if you don’t meet anyone you fancy, at least you had fun.
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