If you have not read Chapter 1, I suggest that you do so.
If you are reading this book, I can safely guess that you are seeking a relationship – not just a relationship, but a good relationship with a good man.
Before you start looking…
Lots of single people who say they are seeking committed relationships actually aren’t psychologically prepared for it. Before you embark on your search for your Mr. Right, there are some important issues about yourself that you need to examine.
Are you ready for a relationship? It is easy to say Yes! I am raring to have one but what does being ready mean?
Being ready for a committed relationship means:
You are comfortable with who you are and that you truly love who you are
This may sound like a cliché but it is still true. Before you can have a loving relationship with another, you have to love yourself first. Before you can expect another person to respect you, you must respect yourself. A lot of women allow themselves to be treated badly by their men. If you look at these women more closely, you are likely to find that these women have poor self-esteem and low self-respect.
You are free of any emotional baggage
Are you still pining for your ex? Do you constantly fear that your relationship is doomed to fail because all the relationships that you know of have failed? Do you have this nagging fear that your man will lie and cheat on you because your ex-man lied and cheated? Your emotional baggage may be issues from your childhood or from your past relationships, or nothing that you can really identify- but they just keep you from finding and keeping a relationship that lasts. Resolving these issues may take some time and require emotional strength to face them. Talking about it and admitting to a close friend or to your man that such baggage burdens you may help you get over them. Of course, if you can afford it, you can get help from a therapist, a counselor or other qualified professionals.
You know what you want in a relationship
Do you seek companionship? Do you want an activity partner? A casual date? A constant date? A commitment? There are different reasons for going into a relationship and you must have yours. Knowing what your purpose is will allow you to choose someone who shares your reasons. If you are just looking for a constant weekend date, you should not explore a relationship with someone who is dead set in finding a wife. Similarly, if you are already looking for a husband material, skip men who are just coasting along. Remember the adage, “If you don’t know what you want, you won’t get it”.
You are willing to work for the relationship to work
Even before you go into a relationship, you know that you need to put in time, effort, and resources to make a relationship successful. But when we enter into one, we are still amazed at how much it takes away from us. The challenges that every relationship brings, especially at the initial stages, can be very emotionally draining, that you sometimes wish you did not go into it in the first place. Just as you are willing to put in effort in your studies, in your job, recognize that if you want your relationship to work, you should be willing to work for it. But don’t overdo it though. Some women put all their efforts in their relationship that they neglect other aspects of their lives, like career and friendships. When this happens to you, remind yourself that a woman who is too much “into” a relationship can be very scary. Remember, almost all sane men are turned off by “clingy” women. The key word is balance.
You are emotionally and psychologically prepared to accept someone into your life
Affirmations can help you get ready for the relationship that is to come into your life. Affirm your readiness by saying, “I am ready for a good, loving, fulfilling relationship”.
You have read about visualization. Apply the same principles to your future relationship. Visualize your success in finding someone. Then see yourself being engaged or married to him. Imagine yourself in a wedding dress. See yourself walking the aisle and saying, "I do”. See your friends and family at the wedding reception. See yourself waking up beside the same man everyday.
How does the vision make you feel? Does it make you smile? Does it make you squirm? If this vision makes you uncomfortable, you may want to reevaluate your thoughts and
feelings about commitment. Doing this visualization exercise can help you accept the idea of a committed relationship more easily.
You are willing to go out and get it
If you are looking for a serious relationship, you will not find it by sitting at home or doing your old routines that did not give you results before. You must accept that you have to go through the rituals of dating again. You must be open to new ways of meeting people, even at the risk of stepping out of your comfort zone.
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