Are men really from another planet?

A very popular topic of discussion is how men are different from women. A lot of books have made a fortune out of satisfying our endless appetite for knowing the other sex better. Nothing wrong here, of course. A greater understanding of our gender differences will result in more mature and harmonious relationships.

If you are reading this, you must have read ”Men are from Mars, Women are from Venues“ by Dr. John Grey. Its success has spawned a lot of copycats – each one trying to explain how different men are from women. These are all excellent resources and I must say that there is a world of difference between a man who has read the books and took them seriously and a man who wouldn’t even consider looking at it. I have found that men who have read these books have a greater understanding of our quirks as women. Not very surprising. In the first place, a man who will take the time and effort to read such books, often labeled as women’s stuff, exhibits a greater desire to understand us.

Women are generally curious creatures. We like to dissect every little thing and we are capable of forming our own theories about men and we don’t hesitate to share them with our comrades. And we are delighted when an article or book written by a psychologist, preferably one with a Ph.D., validates our little theories.

Trying to figure out men can be fun and a good source of entertainment during women-talk. But a word of caution: be careful of gross oversimplification and stereotyping.

Most articles, such as the one that you will be reading soon talk about the behavioral patterns of men. But keep in mind: they are exactly just that, patterns.

Some patters are more common in men and some patterns are common in women. But a problem can develop when we start to stereotype: men are like this and women are like that.

If things were as simple as that, then we only need to know one man and we have already known all. For most ”men are like this“ statements, you will find a significant proportion of exceptions. And if you happen to be an exception, don’t be alarmed. Delight in the fact that you are exceptional.

Sex generalizations provide useful clues to look for differences between you and your man but do not accept any as gospel truths. A lot of women I know have some male/Mars characteristics and a lot of men have female/Venus characteristics. Men can have a need to share their feeling as much as women have an occasional need to hide in their caves.

The moral of the story is simple: don’t view your man through glasses colored by gender stereotypes. Don’t classify him according to what the self-help books say. If he is so sensitive and wants to open up his feeling and exhibits all the Venus traits and tendencies, don’t panic. He isn’t gay. He is just special. Look at him as ”your man“ and not as representative of some group of men.

The best way to deal with gender differences is to accept them, and to avoid taking the differences as a personal attempt to frustrate you. You will have less headache and heartache when you stop assuming that he should think, feel or act the same way you do.