Is he the One?...Part 2

Go for the commitment-minded

No matter how closely your man fits your requirements, no matter how desirable and gettable he is, you are still wasting your time if he does not want commitment.

Unfortunately, a person’s views on commitment are a very private matter and a tricky subject to broach. Once you start dating, the subject of relationships and commitment becomes heavy and serious. Even if you ask him, his responses would most likely be guarded or calculated to the answer you want to hear. Some relationship experts advice that the best way to discuss such matters is when you are still at the acquaintance stage. Of course, if not handled carefully, you might end up scaring him prematurely. If you have dated quite a number of times, you know that there will always be ”slips“ in a man, no matter how guarded he wants to be. In your discussions about his goals, future plans, values, family life, he is bound to reveal his inner thoughts about relationships, commitment and marriage.

Check his values, goals and lifestyle against yours

I am assuming that you are very clear about your values, goals and lifestyle choices, and your potential man, with his. How close are they to yours? Let’s say you love children but your potential man would only have cats. Or you are very careful with how you spend your money and you find that he spends his money as fast as he makes it. Keep in mind that it is very difficult to change values and lifestyle choices, especially at a late stage in life. And changing them for the sake of a relationship is a disastrous idea. Doing so could easily result in future resentment and regret.

Put him through the magnifying lens

All right, he is commitment minded and you are passionately attracted to each other. Still, try to keep your head above your shoulders. When you are in love, it is so easy to magnify his good points and overlook his faults. Take a long hard look at your man and ask yourself the following questions:

	Is he happy with himself? Is he pleased with his life situation? Or does he have a lot of insecurities and hang-ups?
	Is he responsible? Does he take his studies/job/business seriously?
	Does he show signs that he is capable of sharing?
	Does he have a direction in life? Does he have drive or ambition to do well in life?
	What do your family and friends think of him? You need to be objective on this one. If almost all of your well-meaning friends do not like him for you, they might have a point that you do not see.
	Do you feel happy, spontaneous, comfortable when you are with him?
	Is he reliable? Does he keep his promises? Does he show up when he says he will? Can you count on him when you need him?
	Does he take care of his health? Does he take drugs, smoke or drink excessively?
	Is he honest? Have you caught him lying to you about important things, or even minor ones?
	Does he have a good relationship with his family? His parents? His siblings?
	Does he have close friends? Have you met any of them? What do they say about him?
	Are you comfortable with him just the way he is? Or are you going to have to make a lot of ”make-overs“?
	Is he financially stable? Is he unreasonably extravagant or generous to his friends? Is he always scrambling to pay his bills? Is he in debt? If he is, it is manageable? Note: A man who always picks up the tab when he is out with his friends may seem generous to you now. Think how you will feel when you have settled down and he still keeps his ”I’ll get it“ habit.
	Do you feel that you can trust him? Do you think he is going to be faithful to you?
	Does he appreciate you? Does he accept you for who you are? Does he show his feelings for you?
	Does he want to spend a lot of time with you? Or does he prefer hanging out with his friends?
	Is he on speaking terms with his exes? Note: You have to make a judgment call on this one. A man who is able to maintain a cordial relationship with his past girlfriends shows a lot of civility and maturity. On the other hand, being too close for comfort to an ex may also mean that he is not over her yet.
	Does he have a lot of habits that constantly annoy you? (example: not flushing the toilet, leaving the toilet seat up, clipping his toenails in bed, not changing his underpants, picking his nose in public, etc.) Note: Things that you find ”cute“ when you are crazily in love can be insanely annoying once you have sobered.
	Does he respect your privacy? Does he unnecessarily intrude into your "private" space. Example, reading your emails, messages, without your permission?
	Are you able to express yourself, your views without fear that you will be rebuked or scolded?
	Is he unreasonably jealous?
	Can you see yourself being with him for the rest of your life? Or at least for the next 10 years?

Go through your answers. Are you satisfied with your replies? Remember, it is too easy to turn blind when you are falling in love. If you aren’t too happy with your replies, it is time to think really hard before you plunge yourself deeper.