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Be grateful
No matter how your relationship turned out, you have become a better person by having loved. You may have been hurt but you are certainly wiser now. Use this knowledge to make your next relationship better. Ask yourself, ”What are the things that I know now that I didn’t know before this relationship?“ If it can help you, write it on your diary or journal so you can go back to it when you need to,
Give thanks for the lessons you learned from your relationship. This may be difficult but thank your ex-love for being one of your teachers in your journey of life.
This is also a great time for introspection. Focus on the things that are going great in your life. Your family? Your job? Your friends? Your sports? There must be a bright spot somewhere. Dwell on your blessings. Make a list of the things that you ought to be grateful for and then focus on the good feelings of being blessed.
Get physical
Recent studies have shown that exercise can be a great outlet for depressed people. Experts believe that it is the powerful combination of behavioral and physiological reactions to exercise that successfully fights depression. There are clinical studies to validate these claims. Whether it is the hormonal release or the psychological satisfaction that comes from knowing you are healthier and looking better, exercise has been proven to lift the spirits of depressed people. Get into a regular exercise plan. If you can, sign up with a gym so you will be more motivated. An alternative would be to take up a sport with a friend.
Give your body time to heal
Taking care of your body becomes even more important during periods of grief. During these times, you have the natural tendency to neglect your diet, lose sleep, oversleep and over-indulge. This isn’t only harmful to your body but to your over all being as well.
Don’t neglect your nutrition. Drink lots of water, Tale a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. Reduce your intake of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol.
Get lots of rest. Try to get enough sleep. Don’t attempt to be overly busy to forget. Give your body the time to heal too.
Sleeplessness is a common problem. This is normal for the first few weeks. Don’t let it bother you. Worrying about not sleeping will cause more sleeplessness. If it bothers you, try your grandmother’s remedy: drink a warm cup of milk or chamomile tea. You can also try reading a not-so-exciting book that will tire your eyes and induce you to sleep. Avoid alcohol. It may numb the pain momentarily but the eventual effect will be headache and bigger depression.
Eating is always a refuge. Suddenly, you are free to eat anything you want without worrying about a boyfriend’s disapproval. Just remember that overeating will bring you unwanted inches and pounds that will lower your self-image, producing greater depression.
Perform a farewell ritual
Sometimes we need a final act to symbolize the closure. This act of closure would depend on your creativity. You may write a last letter to your ex revealing everything that is in your heart. This letter, though, is not meant to be sent or shared. It is simply an outlet for your emotions. You can also write a farewell note in your diary. You can also keep all gifts, pictures, and letters from your ex in a box and store it in a place where you can’t see them. Of course, throwing or burning them has more finality. You can also delete all his mails in your e-mail box, delete his numbers from your address book.
Create your own farewell ritual. While performing your ritual, visualize yourself walking away from him and entering a happier phase of your life.
Pamper yourself
This is the best time to give in to your whims. Buy that dress that you have been eyeing for a long time. Have a nice haircut. Go to the spa. Have a massage. Get a facial. Do all the things that will make you feel good. You deserve it.
Do something for others
An effective therapy is to forget about yourself for a while and do something worthwhile for others. Do volunteer work. Visit a sick friend. Donate to charity. Listen to someone else’s problem. By living outside yourself, you will forget your heartache more quickly.
Use ”sad-thoughts-stopping measures“
After a break-up, it is normal to fantasize about your ex and your relationship. Reliving your moments together makes you feel even sadder and more desperate. Stop these thoughts from consuming you by using your own aversion therapy. Pinch yourself, close your eyes, shake your head, every time these thoughts come in. You will come to associate your actions with banishing the thoughts from your mind. After sometime, you will find that the thoughts will stop by themselves as soon as they start.
Avoid painful reminders
When you are heartbroken, suddenly all sad songs mean something to you. Don’t punish yourself. Stop listening to sad love songs and to songs that remind you of your past relationship. Refrain from going to places that used to frequent. Stop yourself from seeking news about him. No kind of news can make you happy. If he is happy, you would feel left out. If he is unhappy, you start to harbor thoughts of reconciliation. Either way, it stunts the healing process.
Resist the urge to call him
This one tops the list of things that are hard to resist. This urge is particularly strongest on the first and second week. You find yourself making up excuses to call him: you left your shoes/bag/pen/book/whatever in his car/apartment/office. A friend is asking for information that only he knows, etc.
Stop your fingers from dialing. You will only get disappointed when you don’t get the kind of response that you want. Here’s how to stop yourself from calling him.
Make the call in your mind. Rehearse what you are going to say. Then imagine his response: cold, disinterested, almost irritated and anxious to put down the phone and get rid of you. Then imagine how you will feel when he puts the phone down: rejected, pride wounded and feeling even worse.
Date, but don’t rush
A common reaction after a break-up is to turn into a recluse and avoid men for fear of being hurt again. On the other extreme, some go into panic mode and start dating every guy that comes along, desperately seeking for a replacement. The best thing to do is to tread the middle line: date but don’t rush. Open yourself to new possibilities. Circulate and meet new people. The adage ‘The only way to forget a man is through another man“ has been proven to be true countless times. But be wary of rebounds. You just might end up being more hurt and hurting the other person unnecessarily.
Release and forgive
Of all the methods described above, this is the hardest but the most effective. This is the most important part in your healing process. Once you have successfully released your negative emotions, your attachments to your ex, after you have forgiven yourself and forgiven him, you can move on with a free heart. See Healing your Emotions for more on this.
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