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It is ok to admit jealousy
Emotional honesty is not very easy. When we are feeling jealous, it is very difficult for most of us to admit this feeling to our man. Often because of pride and the influence of Hollywood movies and sitcoms where being jealous is not ”cool“, we just find it hard to say, ”I am jealous“, although we don’t have difficulty showing signs that we are jealous. It is easier to just give him the cold shoulder treatment, throw pots and pans, slam the door, bang the phone, etc. than to verbally say it.
It is all right to admit to your man that you feel jealous. You can sit and talk about how you feel and point out the times that you feel most vulnerable. Let’s say your man has a habit of flirting with the waitress and this annoys you. Tell him so. If he really loves you and is sensitive to your feelings, he will readily make adjustments to his behavior. Of course, opening up requires that you have both attained a certain level of trust.
Have your own life
When you are busy, you are not always waiting – waiting for his call, waiting for him to get back from his trip, waiting for him to ask you out, etc. Having your own life, your own friends, your own goals, your own hobbies keep you away from idle thoughts. You know how idle thoughts develop into jealous thoughts especially if you are bored from waiting.
Leave his past behind… and yours too
Aren’t you curious about your man’s ex-girlfriends? Don’t you want to know how she looks like? What does she do for a living? Why did they break up? Did she dump him? If yes, why?
It’s normal for woman to be curious about her man’s past. Some women, in fact, even go as far as snooping on his drawers to look for pictures, letters and worse, proof that their man is still in contact with an ex.
But after you have seen how she looked like and found out everything you wanted to find out, how do you feel? There is no information about his past that will make you feel good. If you find that his ex was rich, well educated and stunningly attractive, you feel insecure and inadequate. If you find that his ex was a simple, super-plain Jane, you feel a sense of superiority, and for some reason, insulted that you were classed with someone you deem inferior.
Curious about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend?
How would you feel if he told you that they had a wonderful time together and that he really loved her? Won’t you just feel disgusted and cheated if you feel you are not getting the same kind of attention?
This is a very natural feeling. All women, (including me!) like to feel that we are the special ONE. We want to hear things like, ”I have never done this before in my life“ or ”I have never loved like this before“. It doesn’t matter if we suspect that it is all bulls---t, what matters is that we feel special.
A friend of mine had a boyfriend who talked about the models that he dated in the past and the gifts of jewelry that he showered his exes before he lost his fortune. This really infuriated my friend because this guy has not given her anything of value and he had the gall to brag about his previous exploits and his generosity. Needless to say, she promptly broke off with him.
The moral of the story is: Don’t ask, if you are not prepared for the answer. If he volunteers information, well and good. If he doesn’t, don’t make it your preoccupation. A thing to remember, though. If your man confesses to having loved someone deeply in his past, don’t feel so bad. He may be indiscreet in telling you this but keep in mind that a man who has shown that he has loved before is a man who is capable of loving. This is not bad at all. Now it is your time to enjoy that kind of loving.
On your part, don’t bring up your past relationships unnecessarily if only to make him feel jealous and to make yourself look more desirable. This will just open the door to new jealousy issues.
Don’t test his commitment
My young, attractive friend of 26 thought she wanted an ”open“ relationship. When she found her new love, she suggests that they date other people to see whether they are really meant for each other. He thought it was uncommon – but it sure is a brilliant, generous idea. So he went on and dated other women. She was devastated. Her idea backfired – she isn’t ready for what she suggested. Moral of the story? Don’t test your man’s love if you are not ready for the outcome.
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