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Don’t make his world your world
Some women fall into the trap of forgetting themselves and their own identity when they get into a relationship. They start to adopt their partner’s views, opinions, values and lifestyle while forgetting their own.
We oftentimes wonder how men are able to still function normally even if they are in a relationship. The reason is that men do not make their relationships their reason for living and being. They go on with their lives. They still keep their friends, they still weave their dreams, they still work on their goals. In contrast, when we fall in love, we make the relationship and our man the center of our being. We make decisions based on what will make him happy. We make our life and our schedules revolve around him. When he is available, we want to be available.
The important thing to remember is that, you still have your own life. You do not live for him. You live for yourself, above all. Don’t make his world your world. He is an addition to your life. He is not your life.
You still have the responsibility to make yourself happy. Maintain the freedom to be yourself. Maintain your own interests. Pursue your own goals. Have your own hobbies. Keep your own set of friends.
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Any changes that you make have to be for you, not for the sake of a relationship. Of course, not all changes should be viewed badly. If you are comfortable with the change and the change will amount to your improvement as a person, there should be no problem. For example, your man is an outdoor, sporty type who enjoys a healthy lifestyle. You, on other hand, would rather stay indoors, you don’t watch what you eat and you have absolutely no interest in sports. If you view it objectively, adopting his lifestyle is not a bad idea at all even if it means changing what you have become accustomed to. If you view change as an agent to make you a better person, the change would most likely be permanent and would have a positive impact on you. However, if you change simply because you want to please and keep your man, the change will eventually be a cause for resentment.
It’s ok to keep a part of yourself intact
I am not talking of virginity here. I am talking about keeping a part of you left unshared.
When we go into a romantic relationship, we tend to think that we should share all aspects of our self and our life freely and completely with the man we are involved with. We feel that for a relationship to prosper, it requires total honesty. Yes, but total honesty does not require total revelation of our own private self. If you do not feel comfortable sharing something about your life, your past, your experiences, you are not compelled to. You should never feel guilty that you are being dishonest. You are simply preserving your inherent right to personal privacy. Each one of us has our own, private world. This world expands when we decide to share our love and life with someone. However, this does not mean that the man in your life has a total right to know everything there is to know about you. I have always felt that I owe no one an explanation about things that I choose to keep secret and private. If you choose to reveal anything, do so because you feel that revealing such will positively affect the growth of your relationship.
Check your RSI regularly
There is nothing wrong with exerting all efforts to keep your man happy as long as doing so does not make you unhappy. The bottom line is, does loving him make you happy?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with yourself, with your relationship, with your man? This is your Relationship Satisfaction Index (RSI). It is important to constantly assess your emotional state, even during happy times. It is like having your blood pressure checked even if you are not feeling dizzy yet. How have things changed since you first met? Has be become more loving? What are the things that he used to do before that he doesn’t do now? Have the quarrels become more frequent? How do you feel about him now, as compared to how you felt a month ago? Does the relationship still fulfill your emotional needs? Are you starting to get bored? Can you still see yourself being with him for the next 10 years?
Truthful answers to these questions will help you unravel your real feelings about your heart’s state of affairs. You also get to see whether the relationship is progressing, stagnating or backsliding. Oftentimes, because of other pressing concerns and our desire for a safe, constant relationship, we are afraid to ask questions. For fear that we might not like the answers. This is how better-than-nothing relationships are born.
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