|
Be willing to trust and be trustworthy
If you feel insecure all the time and think that you are going to lose your partner anytime, you can’t trust yet. Try to feel secure about your feelings, managing your jealousy and possessiveness. You have nothing to lose if you do this. By trusting, you get rid of the nagging, irritating feeling that jealousy brings. If he breaks your trust, it is going to hurt but at least you know he isn’t worthy of your love.
Master the art of communicating with your partner
Each person has his own communication style. Try to study your partner’s style and see how you can adopt to it. In psychology, there is a study called neurolinguistic programming or more commonly, NLP. NLP was developed in the early 1970s by Richard Bandler, PhD, an information scientist and John Grinder, PhD, a linguist. There are hundreds of books that explain NLP in depth but let me just fill you in on the basic concepts.
We all perceive the world through sight sound and feelings – yet in the same setting, different people will notice different things. NLP’s explanation: Some of us are more tuned into the world through what we see, others through what they hear, and others through what they feel about the situation. Based on this concept, people can be generally classified into visual, auditory or feelings person. By finding out which type your man falls into, you can relate to him much more easily. At least that is what the concept says.
To give you an idea, here is a quick rundown of the different types:
Visual person – A visual person is always conscious of their looks and usually dresses appropriately for whatever they’re doing. They express themselves in visual terms. To express their agreement, they say, ”I can see that“. When asked a question that requires some thought, a visual person looks up as if visualizing the answer. A visual person is usually slow in expressing his feelings. To relate better to a visual person, you describe things in visual terms. Lets say you wish to interest him in a tropical island vacation, you can vividly describe the experience and say, ”Can you picture that?“ instead of ”How does that sound to you?“ or ”How do you feel about that?“
Auditory person – An auditory person is unusually sensitive to sound, from the echo in your CD player to the clatter of plates in the kitchen of a romantic restaurant. He is usually a good communicator and can read your mood from the tone of your voice. He is often analytical, noticing inconsistencies and preferring things clearly stated rather than implied. To express their agreement, they say, ”Sounds good to me“. In order to relate much more easily, you can say, ”I hear what you are saying“, instead of ”I can see that“ or ”I feel that way too“.
Feelings person – A feelings person is generally laid back. He is relatively unconcerned about his appearance. He loves hugging, touching, eating and relaxing.
To express their agreement, the say ”I’m happy with that“. When asked a question that requires some thought, their eyes will tend to look down, as if consulting their ”gut“ feelings. They are sensitive to your moods, very nurturing and empathetic. To relate to them more easily, you can say, ”I understand how you feel“, instead of ”I see what you mean“ or ”I hear you“.
Of course there are other concepts that teaches effective communication between partners and NLP is simply one of them. Dr. John Grey’s Mars and Venues series of books are excellent resources for effective communication between men and women.
From a more practical and down-to-earth perspective, a key to effective communication is to express yourself. Ask for what you need/want. Your man cannot read your mind, so limit your expectation that the other person should be able to guess what you prefer out of their affection for you. The best chance of receiving what you want is to speak up and ask for it. On your part, check out your assumptions. You are no mind reader either. Misunderstandings often arise from acting on what you think your man wants.
Build your relationship history
After the ooohs and aaahs of a new relationship, what’s next? In mature, loving relationships, the newness is replaced by a deep bond, drawn from shared experiences and pleasurable little habits. These shared moments create your relationship history. Of course, only time builds history. But you don’t have to wait for time; you can create instant history by doing memorable and exciting things together. You can take a trip to an exotic island. Learn a new language together. Learn a new sport. Decorate your apartment. Do volunteer work. Organize a party. Take a lot of pictures together and create an album.
To make your moments more memorable, create some ”love triggers“. Some couples have a theme song – a meaningful song that you both like and reminds you of how special your relationship is. I know that this sounds really tacky and corny, but having a special song actually enhances your romantic feelings for each other. On your quiet nights, relieve your special times together. Go through your album, listen to your music, talk about the nice times you’ve had.
A couple I know enjoys giving back rubs to each other. Every time they perform the back rubs, they play their favorite relaxation music. The music combines with the touch becomes a very private pleasure and adds to the bond between them.
| 
