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Allow for breathing space
The word ”space“ has had some bad publicity. Men who want out of a relationship frequently use the ”I need space“ excuse. Don’t wait to hear this from your man. Early in your relationship, plan to have some space. Plan to have some time apart. This will give your partner the time to miss you, to think about you, to fantasize about you.
If you are in their face constantly, your man will have no opportunity to develop a fantasized image of you. Your fantasized version is someone larger than you. Where your faults are not seen and your good points magnified. A fantasized image makes your man fall in love with you more.
How do you put space in your relationship?
Don’t see him everyday. Set aside some time to see your friends. If your work allows you to travel, grab the opportunity. Whichever way you do it, the key is to give your man ample time to miss you.
Go slow on your ”I love yous“
Anything that is dispensed too freely and too casually loses its impact. ”I love you“ is a very special thing to say to someone. It may sound totally outmoded but I think a woman should wait for the man to say, ”I love you“, rather than saying it first. And even if your man has said it, hold on to your ‘I love you too“ until you have proven that he is worthy of it.
Don’t commit yourself too soon
True, you are looking for a committed relationship, but a one-sided, volunteered commitment can be intimidating at the early stage of your relationship. Commitment should be mutually agreed. Until you have both discussed exclusivity, do not proclaim that he is your ”one and only“ in this world.
Don’t disclose too much too soon
The ability to share yourself with your loved one allows you to reach higher levels of intimacy. But if you bare your soul at a drop of a hat, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. In a new relationship, tell about yourself a little at a time. Give him time to get to know you better, don’t rush into telling your entire life story on your first weekend together.
Should you talk about your past? If he asks about it, then you can. But care should be taken when discussing past relationships. You don’t want to sound like your relationships had all been bad and that all the men in your previous relationships treated you badly. Even if this was true, don’t magnify your bad experiences. A woman who has been treated badly and has allowed herself to be treated sounds pathetic and is very unattractive. Worse, you may also be communicating to your new man that it is ok if he treats you badly as well – after all you are used to it.
How much should you disclose? Say things about yourself up to a level that you are comfortable with. If there are things about you that you feel you should keep to yourself, by all means do so. Don’t be forced to bare your soul just because you are in a relationship.
Go easy on your gifts
As with the ”I love you“, I believe that the man should give the first gift in a relationship. But if you feel, for some reason, that you should give a gift, give something with little monetary value. A very expensive gift given too early can put pressure on your man. He may think you are getting too serious for his comfort. He may also feel intimidated and pressured to reciprocate.
It is always better to show your affection in other ways. Give him a good back rub. Cook a nice dinner. Bake some cookies. But put off the gifts until you are more settled with each other.
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