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Use compliments
Everyone likes to be flattered, that is why compliments are a very effective flirting tool. To be effective, however, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. Here are some quick tips on how to compliment a man:
Surprise him with your compliments
A compliment is most effective when it has an element of surprise-when the person does not expect a compliment. Telling a personal trainer that he’s got great biceps is flattering but this is something he already knows and has probably heard too often. Telling him he has a great smile and sense of humor, or great taste in clothes will be more appreciated.
Be interested in something that he takes pride in
Find out what excites him – it could be his job, his pets, his sports, his car, his hobby, etc. Ask him questions. Your man will only be too pleased to enlighten you. But remember, being interested does not necessarily mean you have to be involved or ”was involved“ in his interest. If he is into serious yoga, don’t say you are into it as well, if you are not.
Laugh at his jokes
A man who flirts with you or responds to your flirting overtures is also making an effort to be liked by you. Make it easier for him. When he says something funny, laugh and say, ”You are so funny“. But as with anything, don’t overdo it.
Show your appreciation
When you show your appreciation to something he does, you are not only showing that you are a positive, gracious person, you are also encouraging him to do it again. When he opens the car door for you, pulls your seat, buys you a drink, say thank you with a smile.
Learn to listen
When we get excited, we sometimes have the tendency to talk and talk, without realizing that we are monopolizing the conversation, or worse, saying too much, too soon.
Listening is an art in itself. And if you have mastered the art of listening, you will be surprised at how people and men in particular will be drawn to you. Learn to listen actively. Do not interrupt the other person. Show your interest by moving your body towards the person. (oops, not too close, though) Nod your head to show you are following the conversation. Avoid looking at other persons or glancing at your watch too frequently. That shows boredom.
Ask open questions
Show you are interested in him as a person by asking specific, open-ended questions. Answers to questions like, ”How do you manage with all that traveling?“ or ”You lead a very busy life. How do you manage to find time for leisure?“ will provide you clues on whether he is single, married, attached, divorced, etc. Think of questions that would lead them to give clues on their dating status. Direct questions like ”Are you single/married?“ can be intimidating coming from a stranger. When he starts elaborating, this will give the discussion an opportunity to take a romantic turn.
If the person you are flirting with or trying to flirt with likes you, he would welcome the idea of progressing to a greater level of intimacy in your conversation. You will find that your man will start asking questions about your dating situation. Be prepared with your answer. If you have not been in a relationship for a long time, would you be willing to disclose it? Or on one end, if you have just been out of a relationship (say, you broke off two weeks ago), would you like this new guy to know? Most women I know (and some men too) say something like, ”Nothing serious. I do go out“ to queries about their dating status. This answer implies that you are not in a serious relationship and that you won’t mind being asked out.
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Keep up to date
Flirting is not all smiles and sexy gestures. After you have successfully grabbed his attention with your winning smile and he has taken the initiative to say hello, you’ve got to be able to say something. Most men I know are attracted to women who are also intellectually stimulating. By this, it means that you should be able to carry an intelligent conversation. The key is to keep yourself updated. The best and easiest way to do this is to read the newspaper everyday, preferably the broadsheets. Another way is to go online. Log on to any of the major sites and read what’s going on in the world. The most common topics for first time conversations are sports, travels, music, hobbies, food and other ”safe“ topics. Avoid taking about topics such as politics, religion, marriage, premarital sex, abortion and other sensitive and controversial topics that will unduly offend the person.
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Say his name.. again and again
People love to hear their names mentioned, especially by someone they are attracted to. Capitalize on this and repeat the person’s name when introduced. Say, ”Hello, Mark, great to meet you.“ Casually mention his name again in your conversations. When you make your exit mention his name again.
Reject with respect
What if your sunshiny smile and radiating energy attract the wrong person? This could happen very easily if you are in a singles-filled place like a bar, club or party. When a man who is obviously not your type approaches you, relax. Maintain your cool. Don’t make a quick dash to the door and conclude that your flirting adventure has been a failure. On the contrary, you were successful. Your radiating energy has attracted someone.. only it’s the"wrong person“. In this case, you have two options. But these two options are guided by one principle: reject with respect. First, you may continue the conversation with this undesirable flirtee. Look at this as an opportunity to practice your conversational skills. You may be surprised that someone whom you may have initially dismissed as ”totally not my type“ may turn out to be interesting, if you give him a chance. On the other hand, if the person is someone you can never see yourself with, cut the conversation but be polite. Stay for a few minutes of light, friendly banter, and then excuse yourself. If the person asks for your number, give an excuse. You can say, ”I am in the midst of changing my number, so I cannot give it to you“. Normally, the other person gets the hint and lets you go.
Push, pull back, resume
Successful flirting isn’t always on high gear. Although I mentioned earlier that it is attractive to be energetic and enthusiastic, showing too much eagerness all throughout the session can be tiring and threatening. Start flirting in high gear. Say hello with energy and show your enthusiasm. After about five minutes, slow down and back off. Remain quiet and let the other person take center stage. This will allow the other person to absorb your presence. If the other party is attracted to you, he will try harder to make you resume the pace. At this time, you can resume with flirting, but not in the same intensity as when you started. If by backing off, the other person loses interest, the person is just mildly interested in you. In this case, you can lower your expectations and shift to friendly gear, or make an excuse to leave.
Set a goal
Goal setting does not only work in business; you can also apply it to your flirting life. Most singles who are back in the dating game usually have a hard time breaking the ice through flirting. The easiest to do this is to set a goal for yourself. That way, you are forced to work on it until you achieve your goal.
Tell yourself you will go out at least once a week or whatever is comfortable for you. Then, tell yourself that you will flirt with at least one or two people that you encounter. But take these goals lightly. Don’t berate yourself if you are not able to meet it. It is just to remind you that you have to hone your flirting skills. If you take it too seriously and force the issue, you might come out unnatural, forced and trying too hard.
Know when to stop
Once you have succeeded in getting someone’s attention, plan your exit. Flirt until your target has responded positively then back off. Don’t wait until the conversation hits a bump and the situation gets awkward. If you linger on longer than necessary, the sparks will die down. Make the first move to leave. There is a higher possibility that you will hear from him again.
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