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Make Online Romance work for you
Despite all the horror stories about online romance, it is here to stay. In two or three years’ time, as people get even more preoccupied with making a living, online personals or digital dating service may be the way to meet people of the opposite sex.
Before you start firing of that first e-mail, here are some tips to make your cyber dating adventure work.
Explore the different sites
There are over a hundred sites (and still growing) on the Internet for online personals. Type in www.internetdating.net and you will find an index of the different sites available: nationwide sites, regional sites, religious sites, matchmaking sites, etc. Explore he site that you feel comfortable with. The best bets are those that offer filter for age, location, profession, etc. Most sites allow free browsing and free memberships for ladies.
Package yourself effectively
How you package yourself in your personal ad determines the number of responses you get. Here’s how to write an ad that will get results.
How you package yourself in your personal ad determines the number of responses you get. Here’s how to write an ad that will get results.
Be honest about who you are
Describe yourself honestly. The more honest you are, the higher the probability that you will find a good match. Most people are looking for certain types and it will be better to get responses from people who like your ”type“. Say something about your physical attributes: your height, weight, eye color, and body type. If you look like a certain celebrity, say so. Education and profession are important considerations for most people so include a brief description of what you do for a living. Say something about your hobbies, interests and activities you enjoy.
Show your personality
Are you fun loving? Easy going? Quiet? Romantic? Write about the things you like, the kind of books you read, the music you enjoy. Don’t try to make false impressions. They will eventually backfire.
Say what qualities you are looking for
State the general types of people you are hoping to meet but don’t be too specific. You may miss out on a lot of good prospects. You may include the physical qualities that appeal to you, if this is very important to you.
Don’t sound desperate
Your true motive may be to find a marriage partner but it isn’t a good idea to say this upfront. Similarly, saying that your past relationships have all failed and that you are hoping to find one that will work this time not only sounds unappealing, but also very scary.
Use appealing words
Some words hold certain appeal to people. Words like sensitive, fun, caring, affectionate, romantic, educated, well traveled, loving, generous, easygoing, spontaneous, attractive appeal to most people.
Avoid words with sexual connotations
Words like sexy, good in bed, hot, warm blooded, animal appeal, well-endowed, etc. may get you loads of responses, but not the kind of responses you probably need. The Internet is full of psychos who use it as venue to find sexual partners. Also, men who are looking for serious relationships or friendships will normally shun such ads and dismiss them as cheap and slutty. Similarly, avoid men whose profiles are too sexually oriented.
Write a draft
Write a draft of your ad before sending it off. Does it sound like ”you“? If not, rewrite the ad until you feel it is ”you“.
Edit until you are happy
If you are not happy with the number and quality of responses you get, review your profile and revise it until you feel it packages you more effectively.
A note on photo posting
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Men and women who include photos with their ads generate five to ten times more responses than those without photos. Obviously, people prefer writing to people who are not ”total strangers“ in the virtual sense. However, for women, posting of your photo may expose you to a lot of unwanted attention. You may also consider how you will feel if your family, friends, colleagues, relatives find your photo and ad posted on the Net.
If you do not have a problem with the attention and other people’s opinions, posting a photo increases your chances a snagging a man who likes your ”type“.
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Here are some tips on photo posting:
- Use your most recent photograph. Using a photograph that is 5 years or older is misrepresenting yourself
- Use your best photo. Choose a photo that is clear and that shows off your best features.
- Use solo pictures. Avoid using photographs that shows you with groups of friends, family, relatives, etc.
- Don’t use photos with revealing outfits. Skimpy attires, bikinis, swimsuits should be avoided. As with sexually loaded words, they attract the wrong kind of audience and give a wrong impression of you.
Be proactive
In the Internet, it is much more acceptable to initiate contact than in traditional meeting media. Scan the profiles of people that meet your criteria, select the ones that you find interesting and send them an e-mail. Your first e-mail should be short and friendly. You may write a standard e-mail that simply says you found their profiles interesting and that you want to be friends. Most dating systems allow you to attach a copy of your personal ad so you wouldn’t have to repeat yourself.
Go for volume
E-mail everyone that you find interesting. The more e-mails you send, the higher your chances of getting responses. As with real life encounters, some of your e-mails may not be answered, don’t feel rejected. This is also where the beauty of the Internet comes through. You are anonymous – they don’t know who you are.
Reply cautiously
If you posted your ad in different sites, you will most probably get a lot of replies. Choose from the ones that seem interesting to you. Simply ignore the ones that don’t appeal to you. In the online romance world, it is understood that they did not fit the shoe.
Ask, ask, ask
After e-mailing several prospects, you will eventually find someone who will shine from the rest. He is most probably the one who e-mails you more regularly than the others and has shown more interest in you. Find out if he really fits by asking him a lot of questions. Not only will you find if he is a good match for you, but his willingness to answer the questions will show you if he is sincere.
Chat
Communicating with your e-mail partner through chatting adds another dimension to your online courtship. E-mails can be well thought-of and worse, could be written by someone else. Chatting is more spontaneous and will give you an opportunity to ask questions and get answers instantaneously.
Work the phone
E-mail until you feel comfortable talking to him on the phone. Inevitably, e-mailing progresses to phone calls but don’t let yourself be rushed into giving your number until you know him well enough to trust him.
Ask for his number as well. If he is sincere, he wouldn’t have a problem giving you his number. Try to talk for at least five times on the phone before deciding to meet. Hearing his voice, the manner and tone if his speech will give you an idea of the kind of person he is.
Exchange photos early
A lot of blooming Internet romance went kaput after the parties have exchanged photos. The obvious reason being one or both are disappointed with the person’s looks. Avoid disappointment and hurt feelings. Exchange photos after two or three e-mails, when things are still on a friendship level. This way, you would know how to deal with him and he with you. If he suddenly stops e-mailing you or the e-mails become devoid of romantic undertones, you know he is not interested in you romantically.
When in doubt, check him out
If you are starting to fall seriously for your Net friend but still have doubts about him, have professionals check him out. Because of the horror stories that abound, sites like whoishe.com, datesmart.com continue to flourish. For fees starting at US$25, these sites provide background checks, personal profiles and criminal record checks. Most of these sites operate within North America.
Never give out your home address
No matter how nice, friendly and trustworthy your online friend may seem, never trust him with your home address, You don’t want a stalker showing up on your doorstep, so you? If he wants to send you a snail mail, a gift or a package, direct him to a PO Box number where you can have access. If this isn’t possible, wait until you’ve met and you deem him trustworthy to know where you live.
Don’t wait too long to meet
You have been e-mailing, chatting, you have exchanged photos, and you found each other likeable. Your e-mails have progresses to more romantic tones and you feel you already have a relationship. You don’t, until you have met him in person.
Meeting after two months of constant communication is a reasonable time frame. If you wait too long, you may fall in love with someone whom you do not know fully.
Hold the ”I love you“
The Internet has a unique way of making total strangers feel they are in love. It could be the constant communication, the baring of souls, the verbal intimacy or the excitement of the unknown. Whatever is the source of the magic, don’t let yourself be lured too easily. You may give in to a little flirting but a serious declaration of love should be out of the agenda. Remember, you may have fallen in love with his writings, his voice, his photo but you haven’t seen him yet. Imagine how awkward it would be if you meet him and found him repulsive – after you have said ‘I love you“ online!
Choose someone close to your area
Only the Internet allows you to have friends from places you only see in books and tour guides. Sure, it would be exciting to correspond with someone from Morocco, Brazil, Guatemala, Mauritius, but what are the chances of you meeting and nurturing a relationship? We’ve read success stories of across-the-globe marriages from online meets, but common sense dictates that you use the online systems’ matchmaking capabilities to find interesting prospects in your area. This way, you have a higher probability of meeting and working on a relationship
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