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Healing your emotions
No matter how many facials, manicures, pedicures and shopping sprees you would indulge in, your recovery will never be complete without a healing of your emotion.
Dr. Dan Johnston says we are emotionally healed when ”we accept all our emotions without judgment and express them to others. It is being aware of what you feel and being able to engage the emotion“.
How do you heal your emotions?
The first thing to remember is that healing is a process. It has a beginning, middle and an end. It follows the natural progression of things. Whatever hurts that you are experiencing will surely pass in time. You are backed by the laws of nature.
To heal, you must go through the journey. Keep in mind that the only way out is through.
Acknowledge the loss, feel the pain
When you lose someone, one of your responses would be to deny that the loss has happened to you. Don’t succumb to this. Acknowledge that you are no longer together. Tell yourself repeatedly until it sinks in. Then feel the pain, don’t deny it. Acknowledge to yourself or to your close friends that you are hurting.
Don’t rush the healing
When we seek solace from friends, we most often hear advice such as ”Forget it“, ”That’s life“, ”Snap out of it“. These words of wisdom are well meaning but do not force yourself to heal artificially. If it is taking time, don’t think or say that you will never get out of it. Your healing is certain; it is just a matter of time.
Affirm your healing
Lose whatever doubts you may have. Be positive about your healing. Doubt is the greatest obstacle on a clear path to healing. You already know that your thoughts can manifest things. When you doubt something, you are sending vibrations to the Universe that what you wish to manifest in your life is not possible, thereby attracting the impossibility in your life. Everyday, affirm to yourself that you are healing and feeling better. Then, express gratitude that you are healing.
Reaffirm your beliefs
These beliefs may include any religious or spiritual or philosophical beliefs that you have found to be useful to you in the past. This is a time to seek solace and strength from your Higher Being. Read books, listen to inspirational tapes, attend retreats. Re-explore and find joy in your faith again.
Remember him as he was on his very best day
When a relationship turns sour, we most often reframe our image of our ex-love in terms of how we recall them. If the relationship ended badly, as most do, you tend to focus on the times that he hurt you or let you down. The formerly sweet, charming, sensitive almost perfect guy becomes the lying, cheating bastard. We spend hours telling our friends how badly he behaved, how he cheated and betrayed you, etc. As a result, you walk around with all the angst, bitterness and feelings of injustice. Behaving like this entertains no one. It simply surrounds you with a negative aura.
Try to get rid of your anger and your negative thoughts of him. Ernest Hemingway once said, ”Always remember a woman as she was on her very best day“. You can do the same thing with your ex-love. Think of the day when you saw the very best of him and let that be your memory of him.
Start with little changes in your daily habits
After a break-up, it is normal to feel disoriented. Your days are changed because he is no longer around. No more calls, no more weekend dates, no more of the things that you got so used to. Suddenly, you are on your own. You now have to make your own decisions. You don’t need to refer to him anymore. You find yourself going to places on your own or doing chores that you used to do together.
Accept these changes in your life. Accept that you would have to change your habits and that you must now do a lot of things on your own. This isn’t easy but you can look at it in a positive way: take pride in your newfound skills, self-reliance and independence.
Release, forgive and give thanks
Possibly, the most effective way to speed up the healing process is through forgiveness. Forgiveness – a word that we hear and use so often but seldom really meant and understood.
Real forgiveness starts in your heart with understanding, love and acceptance of the truth, followed by healing actions. It is letting go of the past, anger and grief.
If your man has wronged you, cheated you, abandoned you, tell yourself that you have forgiven him. Say, ”Ex, I release all the hatred, bitterness and all negative emotions that I feel towards you. I forgive you fully. I thank you for all the lessons I learned in our relationship. I wish you well and may you be happier in your next journey“. If the opportunity presents itself, tell your ex that you have forgiven him.
If you are saying ”easier said than done“, you are right. How can you forgive someone who lied to you, neglected you, cheated you, abandoned you?
It is easier to think of plots for revenge than to forgive. But ask yourself, ”How long will you hold on to these negative feelings before moving forward?“
Keep in mind that each time you hold on to these negative feelings, you are causing this past trauma to generate an entirely new sequence of negative thoughts and emotions. By doing so, your pain is even more magnified. It doesn’t do any good to people around you either. No one wants to be with someone who is constantly bitter.
Forgiving someone fully is very difficult, at first. Fake it until you make it. If you repeat your forgiveness affirmation repeatedly, you will eventually be able to forgive wholeheartedly.
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