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Moving on: The start of your new life
Your relationship has just ended. For sure you will get over it. But you must realize and accept that you would have to traverse the road from your state now to recovery. All of these feelings have to work themselves out of your system. It is a process that you must go through. Some experts say that the road from grief to recovery can take up to half as long as the relationship lasted. Some people recover faster than others. I have observed that the more relationships you’ve had in the past, the faster you can recover. Because you have been through the pain in the past, you know exactly what to expect and hence, you are able to manage your emotions better.
No relationship is a waste
If you can truly accept that no relationship is ever a waste, your emotional healing will be faster.
Accepting that a failed relationship is not a waste of our time and resources is not very easy. This is because in most cultures, we equate a successful relationship with one that ended because death parted them. If you are single and your relationship did not end in marriage, it is regarded as a failure and hence, a waste. If you are married and your relationship ended in separation or divorce, it is considered a bigger failure, and hence, a bigger waste.
The truth is, every relationship that we had, even the lousiest one, is never a waste. Each one of these men and each of these relationships made us what we are now. Each of these relationships imparted a lesson to our being. A woman who had a relationship with a married man will think that she wasted away all her years by being involved with someone who cannot offer her a future. Was the relationship wasted? In terms of time and resources, yes. But in terms of the value it has given to the person, it wasn’t entirely a waste. At the simplest level, she learned that it is not a good idea to get involved with someone who is married and it is best to stay away from this kind. A woman who had a relationship with a violent man and is able to walk away from it learns her value as a person, that no one has the right to inflict pain on anyone.
We view relationships that are not parted by death as failures because we have romanticized love. Because it feels so good to be in love, we lead ourselves to believe that love is forever. Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with the ”till-death-do-us-part“ permanence in a relationship. The more unfortunate ones, and there are more of these, have to suffer through separations and divorce. If we realize and accept that relationships do have life spans, it will be easier for us to move on. A relationship that ended has simply lived its life.
From a more philosophical point of view, a relationship that failed has already fulfilled its mission. If you believe that there are no accidents in this world, then you must believe that every encounter happens for a reason. And if a relationship has ended, could it be that this man and the relationship have fulfilled their mission in your life? How has a failed relationship enriched your life? What has it done to you? How has it changed you?
The challenge is to be able to use the lessons learned positively so that your next journey of love will be more fulfilling. Suppose, you were involved with a married man. You ended the relationship because you realized that it is going nowhere and that continuing will hurt more people. But if your next relationship will be with another married man, then you have not used the lesson wisely.
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