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If you have been dumped…
You can’t have your way all the time. It can happen that your man will initiate the break up.
It is much easier to conduct yourself if you are initiating the break-up because you are in control and you have mentally prepared yourself for it. But what if you are at the receiving end? How do you react with grace, with style, with dignity, if you have just been dumped?
Doing so is much harder if the bomb is delivered by surprise. When this happens, all your anger, disbelief, shock, fear, surprise, rejection, and all your other emotions panic and attempt to rush out of you at the same time. The result is often a crying, begging, screaming you.
No amount of reading will prepare you when the actual blow comes. But being aware that this could happen could at least prepare you for it.
How do you mentally prepare yourself for an event like this?
You are doing so, right now. By reading through, you are absorbing and relating mentally what you would do when this thing happens. As you read, believe that you are capable of behaving in this dignified, graceful manner even under a surprise attack.
The keyword is still the same: grace
Remain silent for a few moments
You are surprised and tempted to say something, anything to break the silence of that awkward moment. Don’t! Be silent. Absorb all the emotions that you are feeling. Try to make sense of them. Are you angry? Betrayed? Rejected? Relieved? Breathe in and breathe out to stabilize yourself
Control your emotions
Once you are stabilized and ready to speak, speak in a low, controlled voice. Control your tears. You have all the nights to do your crying.
Calmly ask for his reason
Bear in mind that when a man asks for a break-up, he means it. He wants out – he isn’t just seeking attention. Don’t launch into a campaign listing all the reasons why you think staying together is such a great idea. Instead, ask him for a reason why he wants to break up. Tell him that an honest feedback will help you in your future relationship.
Accept his decision gracefully
You may want to explain your side if you feel you or your actions have been interpreted incorrectly. When you explain yourself, focus solely on your feelings. Resist putting the blame on him and digging up all the dirt to get back at him.
Accept his decision to end the relationship. Falling in love is always a person’s free-will choice. If your man has lost his steam and is itching to leave, respect his decision. You may tell them that you don’t share his sentiments but you do not want to hold him back. You can say something like, ”I feel sad that you feel this way. But I do accept your decision“.
Never ever beg him back
Remember when a man wants out, he wants out. No amount of begging, crying, and clinging will change his mind. When a person, be it man or woman, wants to leave, he will leave eventually. Putting emotional pressure on him to make him stay will only postpone his decision; he will eventually leave. Begging him to stay will just diminish your worth in his eyes. Clinging may seem to be a rational, last ditch effort but I assure you, after you have recovered, you would want to kick yourself for acting in such a stupid, undignified manner.
Thank him and mean it
Thank him for being honest and being a part of our life. Thank him for the lessons you learned in the relationship.
Offer to return expensive gifts
An engagement ring should definitely be returned. Even if your man was the one who initiated the break-up, you should still offer to return valuable gifts.
Make the first move out
Don’t wait for him to say, "Ok. I have to go“. Make the first move to leave. After you have thanked him, shake his hand, and walk away, without looking back.
Let him pay the bill
If it happened that he broke the bad news in a restaurant...
What more can I say?
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