Keeping your man happy


Now you’ve got your man.  He has passed the “checklist”. He is not commitment-phobic. Your relationship is not one sided. He does his fair share to make you happy. You are happy. He is happy.


You pray that this magical feeling will last forever. But you also know that the fairy tale happily-ever-after stories are full of holes. You've read that romantic love doesn’t last forever. The flame dies after the googoo-gaga months. The man who used to call you three times a day just to say, “I miss you” now doesn’t even bother to call that he is going to be late for a date. The man who used to send you flowers for no reason now thinks they have become so expensive.


How can you keep his flame burning? How do you keep him interested in you, without appearing too eager, without trying too hard, without losing yourself?


Make your man feel good about himself


Your man is not Mr. Perfect. If he is, he’ll probably be going out with a Supermodel. Accept his shortcomings and focus on his good points. Be generous with your compliments – they don’t cost a thing. How do you dish out compliments that make him feel good?  Think of the reasons why you were attracted to him in the first place. What does he do well? What’s so great about him?


If you can’t come up with some solid answers and you can only think of his faults ask yourself why you are wasting your time on this loser. If you found lots of answers, start telling him when it is appropriate.


If you like his eyes, tell him so when you look at each other. When he tells a joke, laugh at him and tell him how funny he is. If he gives you a backrub, tell him how wonderful his hands feel. I have a friend who wrote “10 things I like about you” in French to her French boyfriend and she doesn’t speak or understand French. Needless to say, he was touched.


Men, like women, appreciate reassurance, compliments, admiration, and congratulations from any source. Most especially from a woman he cares for. I am reminded of a quotation that aptly sums it up, “When someone makes you feel good about being who you are, that is the person you want to be with more and more”.


Give him space before he asks for it


How many couples have parted ways because the man was “suffocated”, “overwhelmed”, and wanted some “space”? John Grey, in his best-selling book Man are from Mars…, says that sometimes men need to go off into their caves to mull over their problems. And if he does, let him be, he will return when he is ready. This is a very comforting thought but you and I know that not all men who retreat to their caves come back to their women. A number of them have gone out of their caves and never returned. Others simply went to another woman’s cave.


This has happened so often that when a woman hears, “I want space”, she panics. Her instinct tells her, he might never be back. This is just his way of subtly saying goodbye.


Why would you wait until he asks for space? Give it to him before he even feels suffocated with your presence. This way, you also have time for yourself. Keep up with your own set of friends. Get busy with your own activities. It is a mistake to think that you should share everything together. A time apart will allow him to miss you and appreciate you even more.


Let him love you


When we fall in love, we tend to get over excited and do everything for our man. We do the cooking, we give him massage, we buy the presents, etc. You must remember that keeping the love alive is both your responsibility, not just yours. Allow your man to show his love to you. Give him the opportunity to show his affection. If he wants to cook, let him. If he wants to give you a massage, give in. Let him pamper you. The more effort he exerts in making you feel loved, the more intense his feelings become.


Be a ray of sunshine in your man’s life


Are you great and a pleasure to be around with? Do you bring happiness to his life by being happy, content with yourself? Or are you a big, black cloud in your man’s life, threatening to burst into a monsoon? Do you constantly whine, complain about anything and everything? Do you constantly nag him about what’s wrong with him and his life? And even worse, nag him about what’s wrong with your life.


If it is the latter, be careful. It is your duty to live your life to its fullest and enjoy being who you are. A woman who is happy and contented with herself is more attractive to men. In contrast, a woman who is miserable and always expects her man to nurture her drives a man further and further away.


Appreciate him


Appreciation is one of the most important gifts you can ever give to your man. You already know that a man’s concept of masculinity is tied to performance. His ability to please you and make you happy is a measure of his performance. A man who is truly in love with will spend a great deal of his time to make you happy. When you are happy, he is happy. He has delivered. If you fail to appreciate his efforts and do nothing but whine and complain, you are telling him that he has failed. If you consistently show your unhappiness, you are also consistently telling him that he has failed. No man wants to fail; it makes him feel less of a man. If you make your man feel like a failure, you are driving him away.


Your man needs to be appreciated as much as you do. Show your appreciation for him, for his presence, for his support, for his friendship. And don’t keep your appreciation to yourself. Tell him often. Be proud of him. Tell your friends how lucky you are to be with him.


By showing your appreciation, you are not only making him feel good about himself, you are also encouraging him to do more of the things that pleases you without your asking for it. Remember, appreciation causes expansion. This also applies to your man’s  behavior. Let’s say you appreciate his generosity and his talent for picking the right gift for you, and you tell him about it. Rest assured that his next gift will be a better showcase of his generosity.


Treat him as if you have just met him


Remember how you behaved when the two of you just met? You made sure you always looked your best. You said only nice things, always careful not to say words that hurt him. You were always considerate, never unreasonably demanding of his time and attention. Have things changed since? Oftentimes, when we get comfortable in a relationship, we start to take things for granted. Complacency sets in: he is in the bag, no need to impress him.


Although people do change as the relationship evolves, we must make conscious effort to retain the qualities that made us attractive to each other in the first place. If you used to take care of yourself to be visually pleasing to your man, why should you stop? If you used to say loving words, why should you start saying hurtful things now? If you used to be very reasonable and considerate, why can’t you be now?


It is interesting to note that a lot of men (and women, too) who had or are having affairs cited their partner’s complacency as the reason for their infidelity. By being constantly aware of how you were when the relationship was new would prevent you from being one of the statistics.

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