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Building a loving relationship
Before you proceed reading this chapter, it is good to keep in mind that a loving relationship is only possible with a balanced relationship. A balanced relationship is something you share with a man who feels like your equal, your partner, not your god. Someone who gives as much time, effort and resources to the relationship as you do.
If you feel you have the right foundation, here are some tips to get you on your way to a long-term, committed, loving relationship.
Practice the art of loving everyday
Loving relationships are built- they do not happen by chance. To build it, you must take the daily effort to show each other that you care. A relationship is enhanced by the little things that you do for each other everyday. It could simply be sharing the day’s events after work. It could be preparing dinner together and doing the dishes after. It could be holding hands while walking. It could be seating close to each other while watching television. It could be as simple as appreciating your partner’s new shirt, shoes or hairstyle. It is your spontaneous expression of your love and admiration for each other. It is being consciously aware and avoiding the things that annoy both of you. When you look back at the most wonderful times of your past relationship, it’s the little things that your partner has done for you that makes you smile.
Do not anticipate the ”bad scenes“ or the ”ending“
When we fall in love with someone deeply, we not only look forward to the ”happily-ever-after“ scenes but we also anticipate the ”bad scenes“ that might come along. If your love life is a movie, you are like the heroine who doubts whether the knight who went away to do battle will ever return. Love, even a good one, is almost always accompanied by doubts. This is part of human nature, and not easily avoided.
Even if your relationship is unfolding perfectly, you can’t help but wonder how long this would last. In your romantic moments, have you ever asked your man, ”Will you still love me even if I am already fat and wrinkled?“ Or have you ever heard yourself saying, ” I will surely be devastated if this relationship ends“ or ”I will die if this man leaves me“? This sounds romantic but this is also a manifestation of our doubts about the permanence of love.
When I was in my fourth month of my then-new relationship, I was wondering why my man and I have not even argued or quarreled about anything. I was wondering when the conflict will come in, or when he or me will start showing our ”true colors“. In short, I was anticipating the ”bad scenes“ even though there were no problems in the horizon. Looking back, I knew that I was behaving this way because of my orientation that conflicts are an integral part of healthy, growing relationships. But I also failed to realize that a peaceful, loving relationship where differences can be settled amicably so that they do not grow into open conflicts could also exist. I was reminded that when I was doing my list of ”must-haves“ in a man and relationship, this is exactly what I asked for: a relationship where we can freely express ourselves, where we can freely disagree and yet remain respectful of each other, and it is exactly what I got. So why am I complaining? Why am I anticipating the ”conflicts“ to happen?
If you are enjoying the love and relationship that you have now, just enjoy it. Do not preoccupy yourself with the conflicts that you might have. Do not worry that it might end soon or in some distant future when you are no longer as attractive or as exciting as you are now. Because the truth is, yes, it just might end. Relationships do have life spans. This does not sound very positive but statistics support me on this: 1 out of 3 marriages end in divorce. Some even say 1 out of 2. But it has not happened yet, so why worry about it now. The important thing is what you have here and now. Worrying about it or casting doubts about your happy relationship now will simply hasten its demise.
Worry about the loss or death of your love when it actually happens.
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