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Keep your man, keep yourself
How many times have you heard women say, ”After all that I did for him, this is what I get!“ or ”I gave him everything and he still didn’t love me“? You may have probably uttered those words yourself.
This is a story we have heard so many times. She gives, gives and gives. He takes, takes and takes. And the other girl gets the guy.
And yet, we never learn. When we fall in love, the natural urge is to throw ourselves into the relationship, mind, heart, body and soul. You may ask, ”What is wrong with that?“ Isn’t that the essence of love? After all when you are in love, aren’t you supposed to give your all, and enjoy it?
The answer is no. Giving too much too soon is one of the most common mistakes of women. (And men, too).
Giving too much of yourself too soon is like over watering a growing plant. It suffocates a budding relationship. It overwhelms people prematurely. It explains why a man pulls away, when you think he should be falling in love with you, after you have showered him with so much love and attention.
Are you giving too much too soon?
You probably won’t notice it until someone calls your attention to it. You are giving too much of yourself in a relationship if:
You call him more then he calls you
You send him more and longer e-mails than he does
You make all the plans for the dates
You initiate your meetings
You give presents more often
You spend your days and nights thinking about him and your relationship
You want to spend all your free waking (and possibly, sleeping) hours with him
You are looking for commitment too early in the relationship
You tell him everything there is to tell about you
You disclose all your feelings, fears, insecurities too soon
You feel desperate for his love and feel constantly insecure
If you see yourself in the above situation, STOP and regroup. The problem is, it is never easy to stop a natural tendency. But if your goal is to make him fall in love with you, to make him commit to you, you are on the wrong track.
If your man has already pulled away because of your over giving, you may still be able to salvage it. All you can do at this stage is to sit back and let him breathe.
For those embarking on a new romance, here’s how to avoid the trap of over giving:
Don’t be too available
In the early stages of your relationship, you are naturally tempted to spend all your time with your new man. You are always available. Then as your relationship progresses, you find that your man isn’t as excited to see you and be with you anymore. What happened? Maybe you were just too available.
An article that I read on the Internet came up with a revealing insight into the ”in love“ feeling. Note: In your first weeks or months, you are still in the ”in love“ feeling, not the ”true love“ stage.
”In order to be in love, a person has to have their love returned somewhat, but not altogether, while having reason to hope that their love will be returned totally at some time in the future“.
The operative words here are ”not altogether“. This explains why women who are unavailable, or are indifferent to men are so popular. It explains why a woman who is all over a man is pushed away.
Acing cool and indifferent towards someone that you do not like is easy. But to be cool with a little air of indifference towards someone you are crazy about is difficult. It goes against our human nature of longing for someone you care for. But if you are aware that being not ”too available“ works, you just might be able to restrain yourself.
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