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Relationships: What Stage are you in?
All relationships go through several stages. Your relationships may not move at the same speed as your friend’s but the natural law of progression states that you will get there –sooner or later.
If you have been in a number of relationships, you know exactly what I am talking about. You know exactly how you are going to feel, without consciously knowing which stage you are in.
If you are new to relationships, this will be an eye-opener for you. You will know that relationships won’t be in that sunshiny, lovey-dovey stage forever. There will be storms, there will be lightning, and there will be winters. Knowing that it is not all a bed of roses will mentally prepare you for the ride.
”You are my type“ stage
This is the first stage. This is the stage where you find yourself physically or emotionally attracted to someone. Most often, it starts with physical attraction. You meet someone who is your ”type“ and your body reacts accordingly. When you see him, your heart rate increases, your stomach flutters, you are almost speechless. This is the most superficial stage, but I must say, the most exciting.
A higher level of attraction is ”emotional attraction“. This may happen without the physical attraction. When you start knowing someone and you feel a ”connection“, emotional attraction begins. You may find that you like and enjoy the same things, you have the same humor, you went to the same school, you share the same ambition, etc. You feel a certain lightness when you are with him. If you are, at the same time, physically attracted to him, moving to the next stage happens faster. However, if the attraction isn’t mutual, one of you may have to work harder or just move on where the force operates two-way.
”You are the most wonderful man“ stage
This is the romantic stage and is most often, the happiest stage for most couples. This is the part where both of you say or do things to please the other person. Wining, dining, slow dancing, gifts, handholding, public displays of affection are the highlights of this stage. Everything is rosy, wonderful, beautiful, fun and exciting. Your man is almost perfect and your waking hours (even your dreams, sometimes) are filled with thoughts of him.
This is also the stage where you and him are spending less time with your friends and more time with each other. Because you are so emotionally high at this point, you only focus on the positive traits of your man and deny the negative ones. For example, he is the jealous type and insists on knowing where you are every hour every single day. Normally, you would resent this and look at it as an invasion of your privacy, but because you are absolutely enamoured with him, you think he is being sweet and caring.
A word of caution: Romancing is an act and therefore takes energy. It can tire both of you if being romantic isn’t in your nature.
You must move on to a higher plane and accept that your relationship is not all handholding and romantic gazes. Differences between you and your man exist and you must learn to acknowledge them.
This is not to say, however, that romance will naturally die. In fact, being aware that this is normally a short-lives stage, you would do well to rekindle the romance every time you feel the flame is dying.
”I am crazy about you“ stage
This is the stage where you feel an overwhelming emotion for your man. This is also the stage where you develop a physical relationship. (Of course, it can happen earlier or later with some couples) You already know he isn’t so wonderful, you know all the not-so-nice-things about him but you stay on. At this stage, you become selfless and you desire only his happiness. Your credit card billings start to show entries from the Men’s Department and they are getting more expensive by the weeks and months. Your weekends and holidays are assumed to be ”together“ days. You are also seeing less and less of your friends and if you do, you only talk about him and your relationship.
A word of caution: Most of the time, women get into the passionate stage earlier then men. After they have been romanced, their world suddenly becomes dedicated to their men. Passion is exciting and wonderful but don’t let it change your world overnight. Live your life as if he has always been there. Don’t abandon your friends. If you become overly passionate and dedicated, you might not get to the next stage.
”I truly love you“ stage
At this stage, you are still very much together, but your emotions have already stabilized. You are officially a couple; both your family and friends know and acknowledge that you are together. You start being best friends and confidantes. You start sharing your deepest thoughts, your dreams, and your fears. This is when your relationship starts to deepen – you are starting to really know your man and totally accepting him. This stage can last for years.
”I want to be on my own“ stage
In some relationships, this happens even before you reach the ”I truly love you“ stage, Normally, both of you, or either of you, more often the man, starts to assert his individuality. Either or both of you tire of coupledom and want to spend some time with other people. You feel the urge to do things on your own. Whereas in the ”I am crazy about you“ stage, you desire to spend a lot of time together, at this stage, you start enjoying being with yourself or being with your friends.
This is the stage where your man may ask for some ”space“ or cooling off. Most women panic when they hear this. They try very hard to rekindle the romance by talking it out and making other desperate moves to get him back on track. I cannot overemphasize this: if your man asks for space, give it to him. The more you try to win him back, the more you will lose him. He will seek you out again when he is ready and feels he has reclaimed himself. If he doesn’t, don’t seek him out. A man who wants out wants out!
This is a very critical stage and should be handled with care. If you are able to ride this storm, you will progress to the next stage. If not, brace yourself for goodbyes.
”I know I want to be with you forever“ stage
At this stage, you have hurdled a lot of storms and your relationship has stabilized. You have learned and accepted each other’s faults and boundaries. You are more comfortable with each other. You are now ready for a more committed and permanent relationship. The natural conclusion is you get engaged, you live together or you get married.
Although this is a happy ending in itself, you must never be complacent. This is an excellent time to rekindle romance and increase your emotional intimacy.
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