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You’ve found your man. You think you are in love. And now you’re ready to plunge into coupledom and live happily ever after.
Before you rush, see whether the love you have is the kind of love you deserve.
Your kind of love
For women who say they are capable and willing to give purer forms of love, like unconditional love, I salute you. If that makes you happy, go ahead.
This section is for the majority of women are looking for good love, for women who want to be in love and be loved back, with all the terms and conditions attached.
Good love makes you happy most of the time
A romantic relationship almost always starts out happy. If it doesn’t, who would even want to start it?
As the relationship progresses, most realize that it is not a bed of roses. Problems, quarrels, pride issues, disagreements, disillusionment all set in. These are all normal and to be expected. But if your relationship has more of the bad times than good times, it is not a good sign. If you find yourself feeling sad, unfocused, anxious, uneasy, jealous, sleepless, insecure most of the time, you are in a ”bad loving“ state. Before it consumes you totally and turns you into a bitter emotional wreck, the obvious thing to do is to get out and get the good love you deserve.
Good love requires mutual feeling
You cannot be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, unless you are a masochist. Love is never intended to be a one-way thing. You may think it is all so profound. Maybe yes, for the moment. Eventually, it will just tire you and the mental and emotional anguish that comes with unrequited love will leave you drained, rejected and very unhappy.
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Good love requires presence
You cannot be in love with an absentee lover. A stable long-distance relationship may be an exception but still, most LDRs don’t work out. But that is another story.
By presence, being there physically is the first requirement.
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There are women who provide excuses for their men for not being there, ”He is busy“, ”His boss is very demanding“, ”He travels a lot“, etc. I am sorry to say but these are not valid reasons. No matter how busy a man is, if he is in love with you, or so he says, you should be receiving a respectable proportion of his time. This isn’t about being demanding. This is being fair to you.
Lest I be misunderstood, I do not mean that your man should spend all his free waking hours with you. You must realize that he has his own life and he also needs his own, personal space. But if he spends all his free time with himself, his friends and excludes you, you are not in his A list of companions.
In cases, however, where physical presence is impossible, as in he is in overseas travel, telecom or virtual presence is acceptable. A call, an SMS, or email does not require much time or resources, A man who wants to get in touch can always manage to squeeze in a little ”hello“ no matter how tight his schedule is.
Good love leads to commitment
Your relationship may be fun, intimate, passionate, but if there is no commitment, it isn’t the kind of love that you need or want. Commitment is defined as a stable, dependable devotion to the other person. If your man tells you he is commitment-shy, not ready to commit, or commitment-phobic, or something similar, thank your lucky stars he was honest enough to admit it. Believe him and make your move. No matter how commitment-phobic a person is, once he finds his true love, he will be willing to commit.
Good love is more than just sex
When the relationship gets intense, so does the physical part. It seems to be the natural progression of things, so I have no quarrel with it. However, if your relationship exists to sustain your man’s physical needs, it cannot be sustained for the long-term. If he cannot spend time with you just talking, cuddling or holding hands and always insists on something more physically intimate, it is time to question his motives. There is nothing wrong with being sexually desirable for your man. But if he is in the relationship simply for the ”free sexual outings“, beware!
Good love defies the weighing scale
Men are more visual creatures than women. One guy I know who claims to go out only with stunning women believe that love enters through the eyes. If it enters through the eyes, where does it exit? No prize for getting the correct answer.
Women spend a fortune on becoming and staying beautiful. The burden of staying beautiful is more on us. While we oftentimes deprive ourselves and give up that sinfully delicious chocolate cake, most men aren’t concerned about their looks at all. But when we start gaining those unwanted pounds here and there, when our face starts to look like a prune, the men start looking elsewhere,
This may be a cruel generalization but you cannot deny that this happens. On one end, there are also men who will always see their women as beautiful, despite the excess kilos, sags and wrinkles. This is the kind of love and man that you need. If your man is the ultimate visual kind, his love might not be sustained through your fat, greying years.
Good love requires romance
A lot of married women claim that once you get married, romance goes out of the window. This seems to be a sad reality that married women seem to have resigned to because everyone else they know experiences the same thing. Indeed, there is comfort in numbers.
Unfortunately, though, the case of ”disappearing romance“ isn’t the domain of married women. Even singles, in supposedly romantic relationships suffer from ”romance deficiency“. When a man starts to court the woman he fancies, his romantic instincts come out. Sweet nothings, e-cards, candlelit dinners, walk in the park, holding hands, all the works. Sadly, though, these are not sustained through the relationship. To say that a woman begins to be taken for granted may be a bit harsh but it’s the one that comes to mind instantly.
If you are in a relationship currently mourning the death of romance, it is time to reevaluate your situation. If romance is dead even before you are married, you can’t expect much after you tie the knot
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